Because I had to
by Sandy1983
Summary: Buffy learns that Angel's soul is intact, a few years after her final battle. Angry that he didn't tell her, she goes to L.A. to confront him, realizing that she has never stopped loving him. A fight, some pleading and a whole lot of smut ensues ;-)


**Because I had to..**

 **A/N: So this is a completely different fandom and a one shot thing for me, but I couldn't get this out of my head. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to me, is still the mother of all vampire movies and television shows. I adored the show in my teens and early twenties. The only thing that has always stuck with me was how Buffy and Angel ended their tale; the be honest, I thought that Angel was a bit of a chicken to back out of their relationship like that. I also felt like Buffy needed to confront him about it at one point in her life. This story is about that; the confrontation, the making up and yes, I felt like they finally deserved some smoking hot lovin.' So I usually go for the bad boys, but in Buffyverse, I was and will always be a Buffy/Angel shipper. Everything in the Buffy verse has happened in this story, except for the 'I'm cookie dough' conversation between Bangel in season 7. I thought that was a bit strange, since Angel has always thought it to be best that they remained separated so Buffy could have a 'normal' relationship. Also, this doesn't follow the comics. So, you ready? Here we go!**

Buffy flopped the pillows on her couch for the eleventh time, trying to make sure that her place looked in order for her visitor. Willow was coming over and she hadn't seen her in a few months now. After they had all destroyed the hellmouth in Sunnydale, the entire Scooby Gang had gone their separate ways; Buffy had somewhat retired; there were so many Slayers in the world now to take over for her. Her strength remained and she patrolled the neighborhood when she felt like she needed to, but her being out every night, worrying about the next apocalypse, wasn't a necessity anymore. She was actually living somewhat of a normal life now; being a store manager in Whittier, California. Dawn had moved away to college a few years ago, wanting to be a doctor. Buffy was proud of her, but it caused her to be a bit lonely alone in her house. To be honest, she was bored.

She still met up with Xander and Willow every now and then, catching up with them about their lives. Xander actually had his own bar in San Francisco and he was married to a nice girl. Buffy was pleased that her friends actually could have a life now, outside of helping her chase monsters and demons.

When the doorbell rang, she quickly checked her attire one last time before opening the door.

"Willow! I've missed you!"

The two immediately hugged, falling back into their friendship with ease.

"How are you? You look good!"

Willow smiled as they both sat down across each other. "I'm good, actually. Real good."

It radiated from the redhead; she had met someone.

"All right, Wills. Fess up. Who's the lucky one?" Buffy grinned.

"I uh…," Willow looked down and blushed. "She's amazing. We met at this convention and it just feels…. so normal and natural. I haven't felt this way since Tara."

Buffy beamed at her friend.

"This is so great! I skyped with Giles recently.. and yes, he actually knows how to skype now. But he's met someone as well over there in England. Xander's married…. Looks like life is working out for us after all. I wanna know everything about her, Wills. What's her name. What does she do?"

"Hahaha! Take it easy, Buffy. Her name is Maya and we're still in the 'getting to know each other' faze."

"Still… you're getting out there again. After Kennedy….," Buffy trailed off, letting it hang in the air.

Willow smiled.

"Kennedy and I weren't right for each other. That's all there is to it. But who knows where this could lead."

Buffy went to get some coffee for them, while Willow continued talking.

"So uh, what about you in that department? No one who makes your knees buckle?"

"Nope. I'm beginning to think that relationships just aren't meant for me. Either they destroy me or I destroy them."

Willow remained quiet as Buffy sat back down again, taking a sip of her coffee.

"I uh… I ran into Angel the other day…"

And there it was; that one simple word that could make her stomach twist in knots and her heart pound a mile a minute. She felt how Willow was trying to read her reaction, so she did her best to remain calm.

"Oh?"

"You said something before we destroyed the hellmouth, Buffy. I still hear it in my head to this day. You said that you loved him more than you will ever love anything in this life. Do you still feel that way?"

Buffy put down her coffee cup and sighed irritably. "Do we seriously have to bring this up? Angel is… my past. I need to focus on my future."

"Okay." Willow leaned forward and placed her elbows on her knees, obviously getting ready for a heartfelt conversation. "After he left… I've watched you, Buffy. We've all seen it, but nobody was willing to address it. Xander didn't want you to end up with him, I thought that a relationship with a vampire couldn't be good for you and Giles could never get over what happened to Miss Calendar, understandably. Nobody was rooting for you, so we let you struggle. We all watched it happen. Your messy relationship with Riley… your self destruction with Spike… You were lonely and nobody could make that better for you, no matter how hard they tried.."

"Wills, I love you. But are you really dissecting my relationships for me? That's a bit uncalled for."

Willow sighed.

"Angel's soul is permanent, Buffy."

Buffy was in the midst of getting out of her seat and trying to walk away from this conversation, when she froze. Angel's soul was _what_?

"When I talked to him, he told me. He even showed me how it had been done. It's all true, he can't lose his soul anymore."

A tidal wave of emotions threatened to take her over, so Buffy was forced to turn around and face the wall. She didn't want Willow to see.

"He told you?" she quietly whispered.

He had told Willow but not her. Why? Why, when this could change everything? Well, everything, except for the fact that he was still a vampire and she was still human. Angel could never get over that and always wanted everything 'normal' for her.

"I'm telling you because I think the two of you need to talk. I see what he still does to you, Buffy. You may deny it, he may deny it. But the two of you, you will never be out of each other's hearts. And I'm sorry that I've never told you this sooner or that I never rooted for you. We were unfair to you."

A single tear slid down Buffy's cheek. She was shell shocked as so many thoughts went through her head. She and Angel…. They could actually… but he hadn't told her. He still didn't want to be with her. Anger slowly bubbled up inside of her.

"Why are you telling me this now?" she snapped, as she whirled around in the direction of her friend.

"Because somebody needs to tell you. We all see how lonely you still are and how no relationship ever works out for you. It's because of him. I want you to be happy, Buffy. If that is with him, then go and get him."

Buffy began to pace the room, unsure of what to do. Did she want this? A relationship with her former lover; the first man who had ever made her feel incredible things? And even if she did, would he want the same? What if she went over to Los Angeles and would face utter humiliation?

"Make him see, Buffy. Tell him," Willow said, as if reading her mind….

The Hyperion Hotel stood out in front of her, the building big and bombastic. She was actually nervous as she stalled in the doorway. He was in there… she would finally see him after years apart. It was enough to make her feel queasy.

"Come on, Buffy. You're a Slayer and you've faced things worse than this. Get angry at him, throw him across the room and then fuck his brains out."

She grinned at her own words as she realized she actually _could_ fuck his brains out now. There was nothing holding them back, except for maybe his pigheaded stubbornness. Feeling stronger, she stood up straight and marched into the building

She kicked the door open and stepped inside an oversized lobby. Angel was sitting with his back towards her, but quickly turned around as he heard someone approaching. He frowned when he lay his eyes on her.

"Buffy?" he said in that breathy tone of his.

Buffy's stomach positively flipped at the sight of him; the way he was once described in the past… 'the one with the angelic face,' still didn't do him any justice. He was a demon with the body of a God! She quickly recovered and stepped over towards his desk, leaning forward as she reached it and placing her hands flat on the surface.

"Hello, Angel."

He appeared stumped and his mouth seemed to almost hang open, pleasing Buffy. She still had an effect on him. Good.

"Uhm, what's going on, Buffy?"

Buffy snickered.

" 'What's going on' he asks. Well, I've recently come across a bit of information. It actually pissed me off royally."

"Oh?"

"Yep." Buffy sat down in the chair opposite from him and eyed him with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "You see, I've learned that you can now fuck any woman that you want six ways from Sunday. How did that happen?"

Angel sat pale in his chair.. well, paler than he already was, and remained quiet.

"Well? Is it true?"

"It is," he quietly whispered. "I stumbled upon a gypsy who figured out how to do it."

"And you weren't going to tell me?" Buffy shot back.

He regained some of his composure and sat up a bit straighter. "Why would I?"

Buffy's head almost whipped back as he had slapped her. Why would he?!

"I don't mean it as it sounds. But sex was never the reason why we decided it couldn't work out for us, Buffy. I didn't just want to make love to you. I wanted a life for you with sunshine and kids. I still can't and will never be able to give you that. Telling you about the fact that I can now have sex with you doesn't change anything. It would only tempt us."

Silence fell thick into the room, until Buffy began to laugh uncontrollably, confusing the man sitting across from her.

"We decided? WE DECIDED?! How about YOU decided, Angel! You were the one who thought that us being apart would be best for me. I pleaded with you, remember? You broke my heart and left me!"

Angel leaned forward and tried to take her hand, but Buffy quickly ripped it away from him.

"Don't you dare! I loved you! I LOVED you and you threw it away out of fear! You didn't break up with me because you were thinking about my greater good, you were thinking about yours!"

She got up from her seat and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to say this right.

"You knew and still know that a completely normal life is impossible for me. A normal man doesn't understand the darkness in me; the need to have a little bit of excitement and danger in my life. Let's talk about kids for a second, shall we? If I have them, they would be in constant danger, because I am and always will be a Slayer. Demons flock to us like moths to a flame. I can't put a child through that. I might be living a somewhat normal life now, but they still show up sometimes. I still patrol, because I need it. I'm drawn to the demons as they are drawn to me."

Angel got out of his seat as well and stood in front of her.

"I wanted a normal life for you," he whispered.

"No, Angel. You hated your inner monster and you were afraid of letting go around me. I tempted you and your demon and you didn't want to lose control. That's the sole reason why you left and you manipulated me into thinking that you did it out of some noble deed for my greater good. You did it to save yourself, Angel. Not me."

They stood there, staring at each other for a while, letting the truth sink in.

"But your life… You could have gone to Northwestern, you could have married a human man…," Angel tried.

Buffy laughed again.

"Really? Let me explain something about my relationships to you, Angel. Riley was my desperate attempt to do exactly what everyone else wanted me do; date a normal man. He knew, though, that he wasn't what I wanted. He told me that he 'wasn't Angel' and flat out asked me, right before he broke up with me, why you had so much power over me. I think everyone knows the answer to that. Then, Spike came onto my path. He was so in love with me and I took advantage of that, because I wanted to feel just a fraction of the relationship I once had with you. I fucked him until we both couldn't walk anymore and for a moment there, I thought I had found it. I let him do so many things to me…"

She trailed off and watched Angel's reaction, who was desperately trying to control his jealousy. She could see it in the twitching of his jaw and the way he clenched his teeth together at her words.

"The reality was that Spike was able to please me in the bedroom, because he was a vampire and could keep up with me. I only ever had that with you, so I reveled in it. I embraced that inner darkness that I fought so hard to keep out. I do love Spike. I'm not writing him off as some purely physical relationship, because he is in my heart. But he's not you and he knows that. The question is now, do you want me? Do you want to be with me and face the world with me?"

Angel sighed and sat down onto his desk.

"It was never about sex, you know? The whole curse… A moment of happiness wasn't about making love. I know everyone thought that, as long as you and I didn't do anything, I wouldn't lose my soul. But the fact was, I could also lose my soul with you, simply watching a movie together on a Sunday night, cuddling in the couch. If I ever became truly happy being around you, it could also happen. I couldn't risk that. It killed me that I couldn't be happy with you and that I always had to watch myself around you. Do you really think that I didn't want to let go with you, just once? But it wasn't possible. So yeah, I became afraid to be around you and eventually left. I do realize now that it was selfish."

Buffy threw her hands up in the air.

"Finally, he gets it! So, now that you can lose control around me, do you want to? Are you ready to let go and embrace who you are? What you are?"

Angel looked down almost nervously.

"Look, I know that you still see me as sweet, innocent and virginal Buffy. I'm not like that. It's time that you see me for who I really am; a woman with wants and needs. What I want is you; I want to fight beside you as demons approach, I want to wake up with you and be all sickeningly boyfriend/girlfriend like. But I also want to embrace who we are with you and let go. I know you sometimes feel that darkness as well, scratching at the surface. There's nothing wrong with tapping into it every now and then and make use of it. Let me ask you this, Angel.."

Buffy stepped forward and placed her hand on his twitching cheek to come across more clear.

"You say you're afraid of your demon and what he could do. But have you ever thought about why I have this scar on my neck? I looked it up, Angel. I'm not a fool. A vampire never leaves scars in his wake… The Master never left a scar when he bit me, Dracula never left a scar when he tried to bite over your mark… That's exactly what it is, isn't it Angel? Your demon marked me, made me yours forever. The monster in you wants me as much as your soul does and he made sure that it was visible for the world to see."

"Dracula bit you?" was all Angel managed to get out in visible anger.

Buffy smiled.

"Of course, that's what you hear out of all of this. Don't worry, baby. His bite wasn't as good as yours. Which brings me to mention that night when you left the mark.. I don't know if you were able to feel it when you bit me, but it brought forth an orgasm in me so powerful that I thought I would certainly die from the pleasure of it. Ever since then, I've wondered what it's like… to have someone bite me like that during sex. It would be death, for sure. I've never had an orgasm like that ever again."

Angel swallowed something and Buffy knew that she was getting to him.

"Are we alone in here?" she asked coyly.

"Uhm yeah. Gunn's left the business, Illyria is out somewhere and Spike and Faith are doing God knows what wherever."

"Wait." Buffy put two and two together. "Faith joined your business? And she and Spike are…?"

Angel nodded.

"She and Spike are. You jealous?"

Buffy thought about that for a second, but she wasn't. Spike would always be dear and special to her, as he was very good to her in the end. But he and Angel were two different things all together.

"No, not jealous. He deserves someone who's good to him. I'm not entirely sure if that's Faith, but let's just say that she and I have a good understanding now. I won't interfere."

"Good," Angel said with a smile.

Buffy grinned and bolted up the stairs, searching for the room she knew for sure to be his. When she found it, she prepared and waited.

"Are we playing hide and seek now? Where are you?" Angel grumbled, as he approached. "Buffy?"

She jumped out when he entered the room, wearing nothing but the silk teddy she had put underneath her clothes before she got here. Angel stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her.

"You sure came prepared," he said in a low grumble.

His gaze slid across her body agonizingly slow, making goose bumps appear on Buffy's skin in his wake. Her nipples stood out immediately, begging to be touched.

"It's been a while since I've seen you like this. You're so beautiful, Buffy."

She smiled, before stepping closer towards him.

"Don't hold back, Angel. Accept who you are, because I want all of you; demon and man."

Angel groaned, but still didn't give in.

"I haven't tested the theory yet. What if the gypsy did something wrong and my soul still goes flying?"

"Do you want me to chain you up while we do this?" Buffy teased. "Because I have no problem with that."

Angel closed the door behind him and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Don't put those images in my head," he breathed. "I just might take you up on that offer."

Buffy almost bounced with glee. "Ooh! Well, first things first. I might want some of that later. Right now, I want both of us free to do what we've denied ourselves from doing for years now."

She waited to see what he would do. The conflict was definitely there in his eyes; would he or wouldn't he? Finally, he snapped and leaned down for a bruising kiss. The feel of those lips on her again after so long was like drinking water after days of thirst; so incredibly good that she thought she would die if they didn't do some more of this. His tongue swept into her mouth and her knees almost buckled with everything she was feeling in that moment. He noticed and supported her with his arm, never stopping. He slowly walked her back towards the bed, pushing her onto it when they'd reached it.

"Now we're talking," Buffy grinned up at him.

She teasingly slid backwards up on the bed until her back hit the headboard. Angel followed soon after, shedding his shirt in the process. His lips were back on hers before she could blink, while the tips of his fingers trailed a path upon her legs. Her thighs hugged his hips and she could feel him growing hard as a rock.

"I've imagined this a thousand times," Angel groaned between kisses.

"So have I."

He pushed the material of her teddy aside and slowly took a nipple between his lips, gently sucking, before rolling the little bud between his blunt teeth. Buffy almost came up off the bed with the sensation, her hips colliding with his.

"Yes!" she hissed.

"You have a thing for teeth, don't you?" Angel joked.

"Shut up and continue!"

"Yes, ma'am."

He pleasured her breasts some more, before going down her body towards her aching need. He made a small lick against her still clothed mound. She arched, pushing herself into his mouth. He smirked at her response and gently began to remove the teddy from her body. As soon as he had her naked, he began to tease her. She was so wet for him, open to do whatever he wanted to her.

Angel's tongue drove her insane, lapping at her weeping entrance until it ached and pulsated. She was begging him at some point, to focus his tongue right where she needed him the most. She tried to guide him, but he wouldn't budge. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally flicked her clit with the tip of his tongue. Buffy cried out in pleasure as her thighs were trembling with built up tension, ready to be released.

When Angel slipped his index finger inside of her slowly, Buffy groaned with the feeling. In and out, faster and faster, until she couldn't take it anymore. Then, he finally attacked her clit some more and everything around her started to explode. His fingers went even faster and he spread her even wider, swirling his tongue across her clit until she almost screamed.

Buffy's hips swept up from the bed, crying out in ecstasy. Angel easily held her. She continued shaking as her orgasm ripped through her body. Her hands balled up in tight fists, clutching Angel's sheets in them as her body convulsed over and over again.

Angel smirked, feeling her tremors slowly subside and gave her clit one last kiss.

"Hmm, that was sinfully good," Buffy moaned. "But something's not right here. You're still dressed and we can't have that."

Angel pulled his shirt over his shoulders in one swift movement.

"There. I took care of the first step. Why don't you take care of the rest," he flirted.

Buffy quickly sat up on her knees and worked on his pants, easing it down his legs. His cock sprang free and she sighed, realizing that her memory of his male anatomy hadn't done him justice. He was big with a combination of substantial girth. Perfect. She took him in her hand to get used to the feel of him and he groaned. Leaning forward, she kissed him.

A fire inside seemed to awaken and Angel began to make love to her with his mouth, tasting, licking and biting. Buffy reveled in it. This was going to be a wild ride. She knew it would be like this once she got through to him.

She moaned deeply. She'd wanted to see him crazy with passion and now she was.

"You're so beautiful…" He drawled.

He crawled up her body until he was resting between her thighs. Buffy could feel the wet tip of his penis pressing against her.

"Fuck me…" she whispered.

"Buffy…" he groaned at her crude words.

He was still fighting to hold on, she could feel it. She could also see his game face shifting back on forth between human visage and his true demon self. He turned away from her a bit and hid his head next to hers on the pillow. She wouldn't let him, however.

She took hold of his head and lifted him back up, staring into his glowing, gold eyes.

"Let go, Angel. I want this and I won't break. I need it so bad. Let go just once and show me what it can be like.. what _you_ can be like."

Angel shook his head. "I can't," he whispered through his fangs.

"Yes, you can. There's nothing wrong with losing control a bit. Don't be afraid."

He still seemed hesitant, until she bluntly bit the corded muscle between his neck and shoulder. A loud growl came from him and Buffy could finally feel him surrender the reigns a bit.

"Get on your hands and knees," he suddenly snapped at her.

Buffy smirked and quickly turned around, putting her ass high in the air for him.

He took hold of her hips, as he pushed into her in one forceful movement.

"Jesus Christ, Buffy…you're so tight and wet…" he moaned.

He set a deep, slow pace. "Don't stop," Buffy panted, "please don't ever stop!"

"I won't. I love you…" he growled. "I can't stop. I know it's probably wrong. But it feels so right."

"This is not wrong, Angel. We're perfect for each other."

Suddenly, Angel set a pace so brutal, both of them couldn't talk anymore. It was as wild and passionate as Buffy had thought it would be.

He gave her the loving she needed. He was pouring all of his frustrations, guilt and fears into it. When she began to spasm beneath him and screamed "Bite me!" at him, he let himself go. His fangs slid into her neck as if it were the sweetest butter. Her blood was all the stimulation he needed; he gave one final thrust before shooting jets of all of the unfulfilled desire he once had for her inside her body.

"Wow," Buffy whispered, once they lay spent next to each other. "I think there's a crack in the headboard."

Angel glanced up behind him and chuckled.

"You wanted me to let go, didn't you?" he teased.

"Yes and how was that for you?"

Angel pulled her into his arms and snuggled his face into the crook of her neck, lapping at the already closing wound there.

"I think I can get used to this; a little bit of darkness with the light that you are in my life."

Buffy smiled triumphantly.

"No more being scared, Angel. Your soul is intact, you can get happy with me. Above all that, never leave me again because you 'had to' for my own good. You are the greater good to me. Never forget that."

"I'll make sure to write it down," Angel joked. "In case I ever forget."

"There's not enough time in the world to make us forget…."

 **If you want to leave me your thoughts, there's this little blue button down below for you ;-)**


End file.
